Azula (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
itstillhurt) wrote2022-11-21 01:49 am
itstillhurt) wrote2022-11-21 01:49 amSongerein IC Inbox
Do not waste my time. It is more valuable to me than you are.
itstillhurt) wrote2022-11-21 01:49 am
no subject
That wasn't the question she expected.
She slowly turns back toward him, trying to will away the tears that were already coming again- when did she get so volatile, so pathetic, she hates it, she hates-]
...It hardly seems wise for me to stay.
[The aggression has fled her voice now, leaving it quiet and shaky, with only a thin trace of its usual harsh edge.]
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( He snaps a little at that, fingers curling around the spear. )
Do you want to leave? ( I'll be alone. ) Or are you just afraid?
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Part of her wants to snap back. Part of her is screaming to keep walking away, to ignore him, to stop inflicting this on him. Part of her- a surprisingly strong part- is thinking about the answer to her question, about the misery, the isolation, the desperate feeling of abandonment-
Not that she cares, of course-]
I can't even manage to avoid using Dreamotion.
[She could have, of course, could have left him. It wasn't her job to help him, somebody else surely would have-
No. No. She'd rather see the entire place burn again-]
...I won't risk a second incident..
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( He places his free hand over his chest, then holds out the spear. )
You shouldn't hide away just because you might be a danger to someone some day. If that was the case, I should never have been allowed to live.
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[She wheels on him as she snaps- in desperation, in rage, she doesn't know. She can't even tell anymore, she just can't bear the sudden clenching discomfort in her stomach anymore, the blind panic, the tension-]
I will not lose control again. I am Azula. I don't lose control. I don't make mistakes. I don't allow my hand to be forced. I don't-
[The boasts trail off after a few moments, her breathing ragged, her heart racing, and when she talks again, it's shaky, her voice harsh and uneven.]
I could have killed you.
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I'm not as fragile as a human. You didn't kill me.
( Sure, he could have died, maybe... But it doesn't bother him right now. Not even with his leg as bad as it is. But... what else can he say? He doesn't know. He has to think on it. )
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I managed to stop myself. What if I turn again? What if next time it's worse?
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( He snaps back, this time, the complex emotions twisting into anger as they usually do with him. He's been better with it lately, but sensitive topics always seem to bring up so much strong emotion that it's suffocating, confusing. He gets upset, and he gets angry. A defense.
He doesn't know how to express his full thoughts here properly. Not yet. )
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[It slips out reflexively. Uncontrolled. Sloppy. She realizes, after a moment, that her vision is blurring with tears, that her breathing is harsh and her heartrate is spiking again. She tries to tame it, tries to control the breathing, to restrain the tears, ignore the clenching sensation in the pit of her stomach, but it's like she has no control- her own body betraying her, her emotions betraying her, again, it's infuriating-]
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Something aches in his chest at the sight, but even when he parts his lips, he can't come up with anything to say. )
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Was it fear? Anger? Contempt? She can't even tell. She just knows that look makes everything even worse, makes control slip further from her grasp, and she's supposed to be better than this, she's Azula, why can't she-
"Sooner or later-
No.
they all realize what you are-"
Shut up-
"Then they-"
Shut up shut up shut up shut-]
Well? Say something!